Her Take

At this point in the season, many teams are wishing for a miracle to make the playoffs or for things to play out just right to get that coveted first-round bye. Others are ready to say goodbye to coordinators or are pleading for their players to just stay healthy. Here’s what each team wants for Christmas.

AFC East

Buffalo Bills

To actually win an OT game with the new “Josh Allen OT rules.”

Miami Dolphins

To keep the MVP Tyreek Hill healthy.

New England Patriots

To have Tom Brady back.

New York Jets

Just one consistent and functional quarterback. He doesn’t even need to be that good.

AFC North

Baltimore Ravens

Lamar to win more than one playoff game.

Cincinnati Bengals

A do-over on this season.

Cleveland Browns

For someone to buy Deshaun Watson’s contract.

Pittsburgh Steelers

A seventh ring, goddammit.

AFC South

Houston Texans

Nothing. They already have CJ Stroud.

Indianapolis Colts

An absolute miracle to make the playoffs.

Jacksonville Jaguars

A new stadium so they don’t have to move to London, please.

Tennessee Titans

The Will Levis they were promised.

AFC West

Denver Broncos

The Sean Payton they were promised.

Kansas City Chiefs

A new set of hands for Kadarius Toney.

Las Vegas Raiders

A team whose caliber matches that of their uniforms.

Los Angeles Chargers

Bill Belichick.

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys

To not lose in the first round.

New York Giants

For everyone to forget how much they paid Daniel Jones.

Philadelphia Eagles

RUN THE DANG BALL.

Washington Commanders

A stadium that isn’t falling apart.

NFC North

Chicago Bears

Marvin Harrison, Jr.

Detroit Lions

To win a goddamn Super Bowl.

Green Bay Packers

A new defensive coordinator.

Minnesota Vikings

For Kirk Cousins to be healthy and to not be traded.

NFC South

Atlanta Falcons

A new head coach.

Carolina Panthers

To go back in time and draft CJ Stroud.

New Orleans Saints

For it to be 2009 again.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

For Baker Mayfield to finally be the QB everyone wants him to be.

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals

For Kyler to put down the video game controller.

Los Angeles Rams

Just one more Super Bowl before Matthew Stafford and Sean McVey ride off into the sunset.

San Francisco 49ers

Everyone. Just. Stay. Healthy.

Seattle Seahawks

To finally beat the 49ers.

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